Salt of the Earth

Hey, Mom?
Yes?
Wanna know my favorite thing about playing on the dirt pile?
Sure, Pal.
When I'm in the dirt, nothing's complicated. I just dig and think.

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer

I'm Just Not That Into Me

For most of my life I've had a casual attitude toward my appearance (ginormous understatement). I wear makeup very occasionally and shoes only for school functions and church. My kids have had friends since preschool who still don't recognize me without my pajamas.

My skin care routine is simple. If there's something on my face, I wipe it off with whatever's handy. Good to go.

I'm still not sure why, but I recently gave into an impulse and bought a full suite of skin care products. When I first saw the pristine jars nestled in their organic packing material, I thought, "Yeah! I should pamper myself a little bit. This will be nice." Then I looked at the directions.
1. Wash face and pat dry.
2. Using a circular motion, apply Deep Renewal Serum to entire face. Allow to absorb completely (15 minutes).
3. With a light touch, apply Instant Effects around eyes. Allow to absorb completely (15 minutes).
4. Using gentle upward sweeps, apply Neck Renewal to neck. Allow to absorb completely (15 minutes).
5. Apply Refresh and Radiate to entire face. Allow to absorb completely (15 minutes).
6. For best results repeat twice daily.

For real? The absorption time alone adds up to an hour-long gig, and I'm supposed to do it twice a day? Yeah, right. But since the money was spent I decided to give it a whirl.

Well, it's been 10 days, and I've done the whole routine only 9 times. I've missed e-l-e-v-e-n times!

The 15 minutes between steps is tough to manage. I'm rarely available 15 minutes after the last time I was available. I apply something and then I get on a conference call or drive a kiddo somewhere or work on a client project and by the time I remember my next application, half the day is gone, which makes the "twice daily" element a real challenge. I've had to set my alarm for 3 different times in the night to get all my potions on.

I don't dig having stuff on my face. Knowing it's on there makes me itch, and if I scratch my cheek I don't know if I should reapply the last potion to that section or just wait for the next one. I don't want to go through all these shenanigans and be left with one cheek that's less revitalized than the other.

And watching the clock for my next application. Staring at myself in the mirror. The circular motion and the upward sweeps. It feels so... self-absorbed. Not my thing.

Yes, I do realize I'm walking away from walking the years back, and I'm not going to achieve my full radiance potential. I'll happily settle for less than dewy perfection because frankly, I'm just not that into me.


Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer

Goldfish in My Freezer

I have dead goldfish in my freezer. Two of them. Suspended in ice side by side in little plastic containers. We're waiting for the spring thaw so we can bury them out back next to Lucky the unlucky turtle and Milo the canary.

My husband thinks it's creepy. The kids find it comforting. I'm uneasy. I worry that it's disrespectful to Goldie and Oscar. Their eyes accuse me every time I reach over them for the frozen peas.


Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer

It's Enough With the "Good Job" Already

Out with a friend yesterday, we stopped in the bathroom to wash our hands before lunch. In the few minutes that took, my friend bestowed 6... yes, six... "good job"s on her little girl.

One for turning the faucet on. Good job!
One for holding her hand under the automatic soap dispenser and catching the soap. Good job!
One for rubbing her hands together to create a lather. Good job!
One for successfully rinsing said lather off her hands. Good job!
One for tugging a paper towel from the dispenser. Good job!
One for throwing the paper towel in the trash bin. Good job!

I believe she had good intentions. I believe she was trying to encourage her daughter's independence. The problem is that over-praising does the opposite. It fosters dependence by setting the expectation of Behavior = Reward. When you do XYZ, I reward you with praise. You do, then I give. Over-praising fixes an external locus of control. You rely on me to validate you. (What happens if I'm not there or I'm talking to someone else, or I'm too tired or not in the mood to slap a Good job! on you?)

Of course praise can be motivating, and there's nothing wrong with giving it. But much of the value is in the judiciousness of the offering. If everything our children do is praised, the praise means less. And besides, who wants to constantly monitor every micro-move their kid makes and comment on it?

Tie and re-tie your shoes until you get it right? Good for you. Drill your math facts while waiting for the bus? Good use of your time. Dig deep, tough it out, buck up, push through, never say die? Good job! But rinse your hands? Tear a paper towel? I see that as learning self-care. It's important and necessary, but it's also expected; for most kiddos, it's not a function of exceptional effort.

I'm sure I've heaped unearned praise on my kids from time to time. (It's hard not to when their very existence is a daily marvel.) I'm a work in progress, and I've become much better at stopping myself.

The turning point for me was at a playground several years ago. I actually heard a little boy say, "Look Mommy! I'm good jobbing!" I kid you not. This little boy had no idea what he was doing well, but he was certain he was.

Stop. The. Madness.

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer